J-Gold, However, Is NOT Dead. A Moment of Celebration and Many Huzzahs, Please!

Why y'all gotta be bringin' Mr. Goldblum into the death stories, huh?!

By now I've made it obvious that I harbor a soft spot for the man. Of course, the idiots who started that rumor don't know that, but that is beside the point. I could have jumped off a bridge in extreme grief, had I not known it was a rumor.

Granted, the only bridge around here goes....into a pond....and is about six feet off the ground or something. I wouldn't die, I'd just go for a nice swim in duck excrement. Nice. I like to see me try to explain that one to my housemates.

"Why am I wet and covered in suspicious substances? Well...um...DIDN'T YOU HEAR?! WE LOST JEFF, DAMMIT!!!" *sobs uncontrollably* "A-And, I-I...just c-can't go OOOOOOOOOON!"

Then they'd be like, "You jumped off the bridge in the park, didn't you? You do know that's a rumor, right? He's fine. In fact, we've invited him over for dinner."

Jeff comes out, sees me like that, and my chances to date him are completely shot. All because of stupid rumors.

The moral of the story is: Don't start death rumors about men I fancy, or my life will be ruined and I will come after you. The end.