Exit Teenage Years, Enter...Oh, Crap.

Today is my 20th birthday. A perfect excuse to start blogging again, methinks. That, and the irritating insomnia currently plaguing my entire body. Usually I have no problem sleeping excessively. In fact, I'd call myself a professional. All the excitement is getting to me, I guess. The excitement of what, exactly? Doing normal things instead of having a huge party featuring stripteases by my drunken uncle?* Leaving those wretched teenage years behind as I look toward something better and less...psychotic?

It could be that. Possibly. Or it could be the news I received yesterday involving a certain trip to somewhere that I've been dying to go back to since I left last October.

The trip would involve solitude in a crowd of strangers. In other words, I'd be staring my worst fear and my mental illness in the face. Blatantly.

A damn near cross country bus trip. The only bus I've ever been on is a school bus. For about twenty minutes at a time. Not two days.

My gut tells me to do it. I have reassurance that it is possible. So why not?

My illness keeps me from doing many normal things. I have panic attacks when I have to walk into a store alone. I don't have a driver's license. I have no job, and I rarely leave the house. The only friends I have outside of the internet are the ones I live with.

Anyone who has the same problem can and probably will tell you that it's like being in prison. It's not much of a life, really.

And even this news scared me to death and I immediately tried to come up with a multitude of reasons for why I couldn't go. I begged my friends to come with me. I realized something, though.

I NEED TO KICK ANXIETY'S ASS. At least once.

Two days on a bus with strangers both ways? Ummm...I DO need to read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince again before I see the movie!
No showers? .....Is it legal to wash your hair in the sink of a McDonald's bathroom? For the sake of personal hygiene, I'd do it.
Smelly bathroom? I only pee twice a day, and right now I couldn't be happier about that.

The point is that I can't hide forever. I need to live....even if it's just a little.

*Disclaimer: I have no drunken uncle, but I have one that acts like he is. He's awesome.